My Writings. My Thoughts.

Cricket and the rise of the 'D' word!

At » 9:51:00 PM // 0 Comments »

'Depression doesn't care who it attacks: if it wants you, you cannot beat it off with a CV or a bank balance' - Marcus Trescothick
 I am writing this post in the wake of the recent events in the ongoing Cricket World Cup 2011, where an English Cricketer withdrew from the team because of depression. Michael Yardy, the left arm spinner from the England squad left the camp last week citing depression. It was so brave and honest of him to have come forward and accept the situation and letting it know to the authorities. But this is not the only event in which sports with the cruel and demanding image it has today, has taken its toll on the mental health of the athletes.

(Courtesy: Internet)
The 30-year-old Sussex man, who has played a bit-part role during the tournament but has been a regular on the one-day scene over the last two years, is flying back to England immediately after discussions with the squad's medical team. But Yardy was not the only English cricketer to feel the blues. Marcus Trescothick, the Ex-English opener too failed to beat depression  during his 2006 tour of India, which lead him to take a decision to quit his international career in 2008, cowed into submission by what he called the “black wings” of stress, sleeplessness and psychological torture.

The erratic schedule and the huge burden of expectations with lack of quality time with the loved ones have all contributed in players confronting their demons every now and then. The simple fact that Yardy spent only 4 days at home with his wife and the two kids in a span of 5 months explains the apathy of these brave sportsmen. I call him brave because Yardy did not try to beat around the bush by faking injuries or feigning illness. Instead he uttered the 'D' word with courage and honesty.

Graham Thorpe and Phil Tufnell were also the victims of the curse of Cricket. It is said that Tufnell had even spent a night in the psychiatry ward during the Ashes tour of 1994-95. Lou Vincent, who made a century on debut for New Zealand against an Australian attack containing Glenn McGrath and Shane Warne, also dropped out of top-class cricket because of depression.

Cricket today is such a game where the players spend more time with their team mates than their own families. Moreover, the uncertainty and the huge pressure to fight for your place in the playing eleven, especially in teams like India, South Africa, Australia who boast a terrific bench-strength, sometimes tears at the nerves. It has become a one-cap wonder game. One match you play good, you are the apple of so many eyes. The very next match you under perform, and you are on the hit-list of many. Though sport is all about showing your strengths and not your weakness, burning out of the cricketers due to a crazy schedule is becoming a serious issue today. Self-doubt, loneliness and home-sickness are the demons that these cricketers are confronting in this mad world of cut-throat competition.

But I believe there are more Yardys and Trescothicks in other teams too. And they are certainly not going to be the last ones. It is high time that constructive steps are taken into considerations, so as to avoid such circumstances. People like Geoffrey Boycott, should not criticize and overlook such new problems the current generation of cricketers are going through. These oldies need to realise one thing, that cricket has changed drastically today. It was very insensitive on Boycott's part to have correlated Yardy's confession of being depressed with his cricketing abilities. 

Depression is just like any other illness. It has nothing to do with the 'strength' or 'weakness' of one's mind. It is due to an imbalance of neurotransmitters in your brain that are responsible for your mood in your day to day activities. Comments like 'Pull yourself together mate' or 'Cheer up boy' will not serve any purpose. Once depression attacks someone the only way out is to seek professional help and even more importantly accept it honestly. Yardy did it with courage. Hats off to him. Wishing the man a speedy recovery...

Do not forget... 'Everyone is vulnerable!'

Pepsi Change the Game Videos

At » 11:23:00 PM // 0 Comments »

Recently there have been many Pepsi adverts on 'Change the Game' campaign being shot for the current ICC Cricket world cup 2011 that is being held in the subcontinent with India, Sri Lanka and Bangladesh being the co-hosts. The cricketers that acted in the shoots were Mahendra Singh Dhoni, Harbhajan Singh, Virender Sehwag, Kevin Pieterson, Billy Bowden, Malinga, Dilshan and Shakib-ul-Hasan. I am just posting all the videos together here as I love them a lot. 

If you ask me, I really love the one shot with Billy Bowden. That man is just terrific with his antics and he acted so natural in that advert. Way to go Bowden! Anyways enjoy.

1. Dhoni's Helicopter Shot

2. Sehwag's Upar cut

3. Bhajji's Doosra

4. Dilshan's Pallu Scoop

5. Pietersen's Palti shot

6. Bowden's Tedi Ungal

7. Malinga's Slinga

8. Shakib-ul-Hasan's super scoop

So which one did you like???

(Disclaimer: All the above videos are part of Youtube and whole credit is given to the source)

Liver or 'Lover'? Alcohol kills both!

At » 10:20:00 PM // 1 Comments »

William Shakespeare once said, 
"Alcohol provokes the desire but takes away the performance"
(Courtesy: Internet)
It is perfectly true that medically it is advisable to have alcohol in small amounts especially the red wine, as it increases the HDL which is the 'good' cholesterol. When in moderate amounts, it is also seen as an aphrodisiac, thereby increasing the libido during sex by removing the sexual inhibitions and intensifying the feelings of well-being and sexual satisfaction during intimacy. But the catch word here is 'moderate'. Overconsumption often leads to the culmination of the euphoria and thus results in the impotence that follows later. So how is alcohol and impotence connected? And what are the symptoms?

I have already discussed how Smoking may lead to impotence. Impotence is when the man is not able to maintain his erection sufficient enough to complete his act of sexual intercourse with his partner. The erection is lost much prior to ejaculation. It only includes the lack of sustaining the erection and not any other problem like failure to ejaculate, loss of libido, etc.

There are many theories why excessive alcohol can cause impotence. 
1. Long term alcohol abuse can result in interference in the signal pathways between the brain's pituitary gland and the genitals. This system is responsible for engorging the penis with blood by dilating the blood vessels in the penile architecture.

2. Some physicians also believe that the alcohol abuse can cause damage to the nerves of the penis thereby hindering the sensory input during the intercourse which is essential for the erectile mechanism to initiate.

3. After initial euphoric stimulation of the brain's libido center, excessive alcohol further causes inhibition of the center, thus reducing the sexual desire terminating the sexual pleasure. Concentration and judgement become cloudy as the brain is suppressed by the inhibition through alcohol and physical activity and movement are also impaired.

4. Many scientists believe that alcohol has a deleterious effect on the testosterone producing capacity of the cells in the testis. Testosterone is the masculine hormone that is responsible for differentiating a man from a woman.  Low levels of testosterone thus diminishes the sexual drive and function.

5. Heavy drinkers are often associated with co-morbid psychological conditions like depression, stress and anxiety. This makes them all the more susceptible to impotence. It is a vicious cycle in this case leading to the aggravation of the physical and psychological deterioration in their health increasing the chances of impotence. 

6. Since alcohol has a really bad effect on the liver, the body may develop chemical substances within the skin that create inflammation as well as irritation which will make sexual activity so uncomfortable that the psychological effect may cause your body to disassociate with intimate contact. Cirrhosis will even cause hypogonadism which atrophies a mans testicles, also reducing or even ruining the lovemaking drive and/or performance.

So what do you do when you end up with alcohol induced impotence?
a. Firstly you need to acknowledge that the problem exists and that Help is available. Early intervention can almost cure the disorder with effective co-operation between the physician and the patients themselves.

b. It is always advisable to just avoid alcohol when its time for intimacy or before your love making. Alcohol being a depressant, lowers blood pressure making it tough to stay in rigidity while keeping focused. Since alcohol constricts the bloodstream, particularly the smaller capillary routes, there is certainly much less awareness within the sensors which support erectile performance.

b. There are medicines available such as Viagra which can be prescribed by the physician after taking into consideration, the etiology, the risk factors and the benefits of starting the drug. 

c. If the impotence is as a result of physical damage to the vessels of the penis or the nervous system there are injectables that your doctor may offer you for correcting the impotence. 

d. Alcoholic induced impotence can best be addressed with a lifestyle adjustment. When one cannot remove drinking completely, one could at the least cut it right down. A 50% decline in drinking can give significantly enhanced efficiency potential. Changing to a more gentle kind of alcoholic drink, such as wine beverages, may also assist the return of sexual performance if this continues to be the main reason for impotence

So think ahead before sipping that glass before making love, because you may not just kill the liver inside you but also the 'lover' inside you...

(The above post is written only from informative point of view. Kindly do not consider it as a prescription. Talk to your physician for further details of the treatment discussed here.)

Are you addicted to Pornography?

At » 8:38:00 PM // 0 Comments »

What is pornography? Wikipedia states it is the portrayal of explicit sexual subject matter for the purposes of sexual excitement and erotic satisfaction. With the advent of the internet and in the age of YouTube, the current young generation have an easy access to free sexual content at the click of a button. There are hoards of websites scattered around the internet that provide ample of free uncensored sex related media that ranges from free pictures, watch videos, mms, movies and free webcam chatting too. Today in India even a schoolboy knows what 'XXX' stands for. In the land of Kamasutra, it wasn't long when 'desibaba' was a huge sensation in the adolescent minds, which has now given way to 'Savita Bhabhi'.

Porn: Good or Bad?
But it waits to be seen that whether pornography and the associated internet addiction does really have any effect on the psychology of these young minds. Some believe that pornography is not that bad as it is an healthy outlet for one's sexual needs. But most other psychologists are of the opinion that pornography can contribute to a distorted view of sex and unhealthy personal relationships. Medically speaking, some psychiatrists believe that this porn addiction can be a cause or an effect of depression, anxiety and bipolar disorder as well.

Love and Porn:
For a person to have a good mental health, love plays a very important role. But the uncensored sexual information that is relayed across the websites often depict the sex partner as an object of exploitation. Instead of looking at sex as a way to develop an emotional bond between the partners, a wrong message is usually passed through that it is all about reaching the big 'O' someway or the other. Love helps develop emotionally satisfying sexual relationships.
Whereas while indulging in Pornography it is usually one-sided. There is complete absence of emotional angle to it. It is usually followed with masturbation and hence can further push the subject into loneliness and depression. Low self esteem is often a sequelae. Clinical studies have proved a possible correlation between masturbation and depression in individuals. 

Relationships and Pornography:
Watching porn excessively not only alters sexual attitudes but also behavior. It is seen as a major threat to marriage, to family, to children and to individual happiness. In undermining marriage it is one of the factors in undermining social stability. Married men addicted to porn are found to be emotionally less interested in the real conjugal relations with wives and feel less satisfied. This gives way to infidelity and divorce collapsing even long relationships.

Psychology and Pornography:

Neuroscientists around the world have begun mapping the biological substrate of this unique addiction. It is found that an individual tends to become desensitized to the type of pornography they use. Eventually they become bored with it and then seek more perverse and more hardcore forms of pornographic content. Regular porn watchers have an increasing tendency towards abnormal and criminal sex behavior like rape, sexual aggression and promiscuity. Women are often seen as 'sex objects' by such men. The high risk behavior that follows often result in the individual getting exposed to STDs and legal issues like out-of-wedlock births, pulling them into a vicious cycle of stress and depression related debilities. 

Pornography and Help:
The main defenses against pornography are close family life, a good marriage and good relations between parents and children, coupled with deliberate parental monitoring of Internet use. The best way to deal with any kind of addiction is to seek the help of a qualified therapist. Though neither sex addiction nor porn addiction is considered an official mental disorder, they are definitely categorized under compulsions that can have serious effects on one’s sexuality and thus can be detrimental to social functioning.

So keep a check on yourself, the next time you type XXX in the search bar...

Sachin - a true gentleman

At » 5:45:00 PM // 2 Comments »

Why Sachin is a gentleman? What makes Sachin so great? If you google these questions, you will be directed to n number of blogs where people have posted a photo of a female fan taking an autograph of M S Dhoni with Sachin sitting to his left and Uthappa, Dinesh Karthik and Yuvraj sitting besides him. And the naughty trio looking at what young men will usually look at but Sachin simply looking away from the girl...

Pretty fine! But that incident doesn't really give you the wholesome idea of how gentlemanly this man is. There are many people not only in India, but in the whole world who live with the notion that 'Sachin Tendulkar is God'. At the same time there are also many who condemn him and pull him down by calling him selfish and not a matchwinner. No wonder with the recent form with which this genius is playing, he has reduced the latter bunch to a mere handful now. But apart from being lauded by millions around the world, the mystery still remains that what makes him such a gentleman and such a down to earth soul.

Yesterday I saw the last league game of the CWC world cup 2011 where India played the West Indies. Sachin was on the brink of his 100th century in international career. The stage was set for him and everyone were hopeful as always that he will easily do it this time against a side which had not even fielded its best bowlers. But the jampacked Chepauk stadium in Chennai witnessed one of the most beautiful moment in the history of cricket in recent times. On the very last ball of the first over bowled by Ravi Rampaul, Sachin was beaten by an in-swinger. No wonder the Sachin hungry opposition went up in unison to appeal for a caught behind. But Umpire Steve Davis wasn't convinced and he turned down the appeal to a huge sigh from the 40000 odd crowd, only to be followed by a deafening silence seconds later. But then what happened was a pure gentlemanly gesture from the master blaster. He didnt even look towards the Umpire, convinced that he had indeed nicked the ball, he gracefully headed off towards the pavilion.

Sachin today has reached such dizzying heights in his career but yet his feet are firmly planted on the ground. Any other person in his shoes would have gone astray with the kind of fame, money and the divine status that he enjoys in this country. But I guess coming from a family with such beautiful middle class values has prevented him from getting all these into his head. 

I dont know why people compare him with Ponting. Sachin is far away from him, may it be the career highlights or even the character or the sportsmanship. It wasn't a surprise that this came a day after Ponting stood his ground despite knowing that he had nicked the ball in a match against Pakistan. More so, he had the shameless guts to admit that he was completely aware of the nick and he stood there because the umpire didn't raise the finger. Needless to say he deserved the undignified exit that came minutes later after he was given out by the referral umpire.

Yes there will be cynics who will say that Sachin did this deliberately, or that it was an inconspicuous game so it didnt matter to him so he walked out. But then living in a country grappled with loads of dishonesty and corruption, one man stands out as a blissful sight of sheer passion and commitment towards his dream, inspiring millions of mortals like me...

Happy Holi

At » 1:56:00 PM // 2 Comments »

(Courtesy: Internet)
Holi is the time to develop understanding and love for each other. Wishing all my readers all over the world and their families a very happy and colourful Holi. May God spray colors of joy and success over you. Enjoy the colours, the water balloons and the delicious dishes at home... 

Happy HOLI to everyone out there!

Doomsday theories!

At » 3:34:00 PM // 0 Comments »

Is Doomsday really going to happen? Will the world end in 2012? Will Planet X Nibiru going to collide with Earth in 2012? Will world war III happen in 2012? Will Nostradamus sea turn black? 

So many questions are doing the rounds over the internet. They say that the world is going to end on December 21st, 2012 and they have ample of theories as to how Nostradamus will prove himself right in the coming few months. But sometimes I seriously feel like applauding these maniacs who come up with such strong creative ideologies to back their theories. The most popular sms doing the rounds is 
The U.S. lost many lives on 09-11-01 and Japan lost even more on 03-10-11. If you add all the numbers, you get 12-21-12 and so the world is indeed going to end!
So I tried to find out all the theories that are being stated by many 'experts'. Here are a few...

1. The Mayan Calendar 
So what exactly is the Mayan Calendar? Everyone seems to be worried about the recent prediction that the world will end in 2012. Some doomsday writers are using the Mayan calendar to support their claims.

The Mayas studied astronomy and had a complicated mathematical system, but they were not able to predict the future. If they had that ability, they would have taken measures to prevent the collapse of their own civilization before the post-classic period. By the 1000 A.D., the Great Maya system had collapsed, and peoples migrated outside the city centers. Historians, anthropologists and archeologists still debate over the cause. Some claim it was a result of warfare, while others believe it was a direct result of environmental changes and land overuse.

The Mayas used several different calendars, not just one. The Tzolk'in calendar is based on a cycle of 260 days. One interesting theory is that it is based on the female gestation period, if it is counted from the first missed menstrual cycle to the birth. The days in the cycle are numbered from one to thirteen, starting over again at one. This calendar tracked religious ceremonies.

The Haab' calendar is a solar calendar based on a cycle of 365 days. Although, inaccurate over time, the calendar attempted to track the agrarian year.

The Long Count calendar is the one used by doomsday prophets. The calendar begins with the first day of Maya creation. The Long Count was created to keep track of events over long periods of time. Just as our modern calendar rolls back to January 1st every year, so will the Long Count calendar.

2. Geomagnetic Reversal
Also referred to as polar shift, is said to be triggered by a massive solar flare, one with energy equal to 100 billion atomic bombs! They say that the Earth's magnetic field is weakening, which would reverse the polarity of the magnetic field of the Earth. But the fact remains that the planet's magnetic fields are caused and regulated by the spinning of the solid inner core inside the molten outer core, and so cannot be influenced by something external to the planet. A solar maximum would be mostly notable for its effects on satellite and cellular phone communications. At the most it can cause some damage to the satellites revolving high up in the orbit.

3. Planet X/Nibiru
Some theories also point to some planet called Planet X or Nibiru which is set to collide with or pass by Earth in 2012. This idea, which has appeared in various forms within New Age circles since 1995, initially slated the event for 2003 but abandoned that date after it passed without incident. It originated from claims of channeling of alien beings and has been widely ridiculed. Astronomers calculate that such an object so close to Earth would be visible to anyone looking up at the night sky.

4. Alien invasion
In late 2009, rumours began circulating in UFO forums on the internet that SETI (Search for extraterrestrial Intelligence) had detected several city-sized spacecraft headed towards Earth, often citing a particular image from the Digitized Sky Survey as evidence. In December 2010, an article appeared in, again citing the photograph, and stating that a high-ranking SETI researcher named "Craig Kasnov" had reported that three "flying saucers", each tens of kilometres long, would arrive in Earth orbit by December, 2012. This article was referenced in a number of mainstream news outlets, including the English language version of Pravda. Later it was found that the supposed UFO photograph bore more resemblance to a bit of grit or a defect in the photographic plate.

So Myths are abound and seem to be fuelling even movie storylines. It also highlights the hype that can be stirred, lighting up religious, scientific and not-so-scientific ideas that the world is doomed. There is so much evidence against these things happening in 2012, it’s shocking just how much of a following they have generated. Just because the Mayan calendar turns it doesn't mean that the world is going to end! We celebrate 31st December every year not as a doomsday but a new beginning to a new year ahead...
(The above blog post has inputs from the internet and wikipedia)

Fathers - the unsung heroes!

At » 11:32:00 PM // 1 Comments »

"आई हे घराचे मांगल्य, तर वडील अस्तित्व असतात"- सिंधूताई सपकाळ
 This is one of the famous lines said by Sindhutai Sapkal which signifies the role of a father in a family. It says that if a mother denotes the heart and the beauty of a home, then the father denotes its 'existence'. Often in literature, the role of a father is never spoken of. Saints and poets have always been seen lauding their mothers and their importance in their life. Writers and various authors have written in their biographies and literature about how their mother influenced their life so much. But hardly few texts have mentioned the importance of a father in a family. If ever a father is mentioned, he is often portrayed as an arrogant, stubborn or a negative figure. But barring a handful of them falling in this category, what about the many others who deserve equal recognition and respect from their offspring.

A mother may take support of her tears. When in difficult times, she ventilates herself with tears, but a father is not expected to cry, rather he is expected to be strong and support her and the family however hard he breaks down. No one understands the pain he goes through during such situations. He is like the lamp which has to bear more heat than the flame itself. But almost every time it is the flame that gets the credit of showing the light and not the lamp. We remember our mother who takes care of us day in and day out, but we easily forget the father who has toiled hard to connect each dots of our life for us to live a happy future. A mother may cry and let her feelings come out, but it is the father who suppresses his emotions in front of others, till he goes to bed and vents out his feelings between the pillows.

When we say Jijabai influenced Shivaji Maharaj to become a successful ruler in Indian history, we should not forget the hardships that Shahaji Raje went through while carving a gem out of Maharaj. Devki and Yashoda are hailed for their role in Lord Krishna's life, but at the same time, how much importance is given in mentioning Vasudeva who carried the little Krishna on his head when he himself had completely drowned in the flooded Yamuna.

These fathers will never see beyond the happiness of their families. Every month or so, he will buy a new gown for his daughter, or a new jeans for his son, but will himself show no reluctance in wearing the same trousers for years. A son may not think before spending money to get a trendy hairstyle, nor would the daughter while going to a beauty parlour, but this father will use his old shaving kit for months to save money to meet his children's needs. When he falls ill, he will never agree to go to a doctor... not because he is afraid of the illness but because he is afraid of the possibility that the doctor might advice him a month long bed-rest. He is afraid of the lack of income if he stays at home. Who will take care of the household needs then?

You will seldom see a father say, "I love you" to his children. Though the feeling is always there, he has his own ways of expressing his love towards them. His love may not be visible immediately in hugs or kisses but it does become apparent in months and years in the secure future that he keeps planning for his children.

What I feel is that though both mother and father play a crucial role in the development of their child, the mother is more associated with the softer side of a child like love, affection and sharing of inner feelings to which children easily connect to. A mother’s love is boundless and is imperative in the development of a child, more so in the moral and psychological perspective. But a father is more associated with the harder side of the child’s development; he who guides them to be a stronger person in mind, who guides them on their education and career and show them the outer sphere of the world. A father provides physical protection of a child while a child finds more secure with mother.

So this is how it is. Right from our birth, there is always this bias for us towards our mother. Fathers have nothing to do with it. Even if they love their children, the creator has so programmed it that, it is difficult to prove a father's love and so it needs an extra effort. Perhaps they have to speak love and get love back in return in a fashion of their own... 

(This post is not about 'mother v/s father' and hence preferably dont give a sensitive angle to it. The views should not be generalized.)

Why one should donate blood?

At » 12:17:00 PM // 0 Comments »

Trypanophobia - is the extreme fear of medical procedures involving injections or hypodermic needles. And it is one of the main reason why many people, though willing to take part in blood donation drives, don't gather enough courage to do so. Blood Donation is essentially a voluntary act where one allows one's blood to be taken out from his/her body for any medical purpose. It is widely promoted by the Red Cross. There are various blood donation centers in almost all the cities in India. There are many types of blood donation, as whole blood donation, blood plasma donation, etc. When I asked many of my friends and relatives about their views on blood donation, I came across many misconceptions and myths that are prevalent in the society about the procedure and it's benefits or side-effects. So here I am writing this post to help you understand that there are many benefits of blood donation as compared to an almost blank list of disadvantages of doing so.
(Courtesy: Internet)

Being Altruistic : It goes without saying, that the most important benefit of blood donation is the most satisfying feeling of being a reason for saving someones life, in most of the cases you are unaware of who the person is. And this feeling cannot be described unless and until you yourself experience it. Did you know that only 3 teaspoons of blood can save a life of a premature baby in blood crisis?

Free Health check-up : Every time you donate blood, you get to undergo a free health screening! You are subjected to a basic health check up where a doctor, a nurse and a lab technician wont charge you for getting your vitals checked. Your hemoglobin level is also tested. If it is low, then you will not be allowed to donate blood. Besides hemoglobin, your blood pressure, blood group and body weight will also be checked. In addition, your blood will also be subjected to screening for  the presence of five diseases, namely Hepatitis B, Hepatitis C, Syphilis, HIV/AIDS and Malaria. If you are not suffering from these diseases, only then you will be allowed to donate your blood.

Iron overloading: Blood donation is one of the most easiest way to get rid of the excess iron accumulated in our body due to over consumption. Excess of iron is not good for health as it is responsible for formation of free radicals which cause damage to the body cells and tissues and are also related to various heart diseases and cancers. Iron oxidizes cholesterol which in turn causes atherosclerotic changes in the blood vessels. Iron overload is also seen in Hemochromatosis which is a genetic disease due to defective iron metabolism causing serious damage to pancreas, adrenal glands, indirectly resulting in diabetes, liver disorders, etc. Thus donating blood on a regular basis will help one to regulate the iron levels in one's circulation, especially in young males, thereby decreasing the risk of heart diseases.

Calories : It is said that one pint of blood which may be around (350-400 ml which is only 7.5% of your total blood volume) on an average burns 650 calories!

Press F5 to refresh : Once you donate blood, the blood cell count in your body decreases. This stimulates your bone marrow to produce new red blood cells so as to replenish the loss. Indirectly, this stimulates the production of new blood cells and thus it refreshes your circulation.

When talking about the disadvantages, the list is almost blank except for the fact that sometimes your blood pressure may drop temporarily or you may experience nausea or dizziness for a few seconds. But at the end the feeling of saving one's life and the free health benefits that come along with it, should certainly motivate one to plan a visit to a blood donation drive, once you end reading this post. Try it once, I assure you... it feels good!

How to annoy someone?

At » 11:20:00 PM // 0 Comments »

Here is a list of 27 methods to annoy someone. I am quoting this from my college magazine 'Antarnad' by an unknown author. Just read it and have a laugh...

1. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green and insist to other people that 'you like it that way'

2. Drum on every possible surface.

3. Write the surprise ending of a novel on it's first page. 

4. Learn Morse code and have conversations with your friends in public consisting entirely of the words, 'Beep Bip Bip Beep Bip.'

5. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise.

6. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.

7. Decline to be seated at a restaurant and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.

8. Begin all your sentences with 'Ooh la la'.

9. Pay for your dinner in paise.

10. Repeat everything someone says as a question.

11. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.

12. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.

13. Stand over someone's shoulder mumbling as they read.

14. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.

15. Ask people what gender they belong to.

16. Blow your nose when someone's eating.

17. Declare your apartment as an independent nation and sue your neighbors upstairs for 'violating your how-cool-life-airspace'

18. Chew on pens you have borrowed.

19. Claim that you must always wear bicycle helmets as part of your 'astronaut training.'

20. Forget the punchline to a long joke but assure the listener that it was indeed a good one.

21. Listen to a 33 rpm record at 45 rpm speed and claim that the faster speed is necessary for your 'superior mental processing.'

22. Ask the waiter for an extra seat for your imaginary friend.

23. Never make eye contact. 

24. Never break eye contact.

25. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.

26. Make appointments for the 30th of February. 

27. Send fifty retweets or facebook shares of this list to everyone you know.

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