Are you addicted to Pornography?

What is pornography? Wikipedia states it is the portrayal of explicit sexual subject matter for the purposes of sexual excitement and erotic satisfaction. With the advent of the internet and in the age of YouTube, the current young generation have an easy access to free sexual content at the click of a button. There are hoards of websites scattered around the internet that provide ample of free uncensored sex related media that ranges from free pictures, watch videos, mms, movies and free webcam chatting too. Today in India even a schoolboy knows what 'XXX' stands for. In the land of Kamasutra, it wasn't long when 'desibaba' was a huge sensation in the adolescent minds, which has now given way to 'Savita Bhabhi'.

Porn: Good or Bad?

But it waits to be seen that whether pornography and the associated internet addiction does really have any effect on the psychology of these young minds. Some believe that pornography is not that bad as it is an healthy outlet for one's sexual needs. But most other psychologists are of the opinion that pornography can contribute to a distorted view of sex and unhealthy personal relationships. Medically speaking, some psychiatrists believe that this porn addiction can be a cause or an effect of depression, anxiety and bipolar disorder as well.

Love and Porn:

For a person to have a good mental health, love plays a very important role. But the uncensored sexual information that is relayed across the websites often depict the sex partner as an object of exploitation. Instead of looking at sex as a way to develop an emotional bond between the partners, a wrong message is usually passed through that it is all about reaching the big 'O' someway or the other. Love helps develop emotionally satisfying sexual relationships.

Whereas while indulging in Pornography it is usually one-sided. There is complete absence of emotional angle to it. It is usually followed with masturbation and hence can further push the subject into loneliness and depression. Low self esteem is often a sequelae. Clinical studies have proved a possible correlation between masturbation and depression in individuals. 

Relationships and Pornography:

Watching porn excessively not only alters sexual attitudes but also behavior. It is seen as a major threat to marriage, to family, to children and to individual happiness. In undermining marriage it is one of the factors in undermining social stability. Married men addicted to porn are found to be emotionally less interested in the real conjugal relations with wives and feel less satisfied. This gives way to infidelity and divorce collapsing even long relationships.

Psychology and Pornography:

Neuroscientists around the world have begun mapping the biological substrate of this unique addiction. It is found that an individual tends to become desensitized to the type of pornography they use. Eventually they become bored with it and then seek more perverse and more hardcore forms of pornographic content. Regular porn watchers have an increasing tendency towards abnormal and criminal sex behavior like rape, sexual aggression and promiscuity. Women are often seen as 'sex objects' by such men. The high risk behavior that follows often result in the individual getting exposed to STDs and legal issues like out-of-wedlock births, pulling them into a vicious cycle of stress and depression related debilities. 

Pornography and Help:

The main defenses against pornography are close family life, a good marriage and good relations between parents and children, coupled with deliberate parental monitoring of Internet use. The best way to deal with any kind of addiction is to seek the help of a qualified therapist. Though neither sex addiction nor porn addiction is considered an official mental disorder, they are definitely categorized under compulsions that can have serious effects on one’s sexuality and thus can be detrimental to social functioning.

So keep a check on yourself, the next time you type XXX in the search bar...

Fathers - the unsung heroes!

"आई हे घराचे मांगल्य, तर वडील अस्तित्व असतात"- सिंधूताई सपकाळ

 This is one of the famous lines said by Sindhutai Sapkal which signifies the role of a father in a family. It says that if a mother denotes the heart and the beauty of a home, then the father denotes its 'existence'. Often in literature, the role of a father is never spoken of. Saints and poets have always been seen lauding their mothers and their importance in their life. Writers and various authors have written in their biographies and literature about how their mother influenced their life so much. But hardly few texts have mentioned the importance of a father in a family. If ever a father is mentioned, he is often portrayed as an arrogant, stubborn or a negative figure. But barring a handful of them falling in this category, what about the many others who deserve equal recognition and respect from their offspring.

A mother may take support of her tears. When in difficult times, she ventilates herself with tears, but a father is not expected to cry, rather he is expected to be strong and support her and the family however hard he breaks down. No one understands the pain he goes through during such situations. He is like the lamp which has to bear more heat than the flame itself. But almost every time it is the flame that gets the credit of showing the light and not the lamp. We remember our mother who takes care of us day in and day out, but we easily forget the father who has toiled hard to connect each dots of our life for us to live a happy future. A mother may cry and let her feelings come out, but it is the father who suppresses his emotions in front of others, till he goes to bed and vents out his feelings between the pillows.

When we say Jijabai influenced Shivaji Maharaj to become a successful ruler in Indian history, we should not forget the hardships that Shahaji Raje went through while carving a gem out of Maharaj. Devki and Yashoda are hailed for their role in Lord Krishna's life, but at the same time, how much importance is given in mentioning Vasudeva who carried the little Krishna on his head when he himself had completely drowned in the flooded Yamuna.

These fathers will never see beyond the happiness of their families. Every month or so, he will buy a new gown for his daughter, or a new jeans for his son, but will himself show no reluctance in wearing the same trousers for years. A son may not think before spending money to get a trendy hairstyle, nor would the daughter while going to a beauty parlour, but this father will use his old shaving kit for months to save money to meet his children's needs. When he falls ill, he will never agree to go to a doctor... not because he is afraid of the illness but because he is afraid of the possibility that the doctor might advice him a month long bed-rest. He is afraid of the lack of income if he stays at home. Who will take care of the household needs then?

You will seldom see a father say, "I love you" to his children. Though the feeling is always there, he has his own ways of expressing his love towards them. His love may not be visible immediately in hugs or kisses but it does become apparent in months and years in the secure future that he keeps planning for his children.

What I feel is that though both mother and father play a crucial role in the development of their child, the mother is more associated with the softer side of a child like love, affection and sharing of inner feelings to which children easily connect to. A mother’s love is boundless and is imperative in the development of a child, more so in the moral and psychological perspective. But a father is more associated with the harder side of the child’s development; he who guides them to be a stronger person in mind, who guides them on their education and career and show them the outer sphere of the world. A father provides physical protection of a child while a child finds more secure with mother.

So this is how it is. Right from our birth, there is always this bias for us towards our mother. Fathers have nothing to do with it. Even if they love their children, the creator has so programmed it that, it is difficult to prove a father's love and so it needs an extra effort. Perhaps they have to speak love and get love back in return in a fashion of their own... 

(This post is not about 'mother v/s father' and hence preferably dont give a sensitive angle to it. The views should not be generalized.)