What to do before Doomsday 2012

How many times have u seen a guy getting 175 in 140 balls and still ending up on the losing side! God! Yesterday was an awful day for me! I wanted to bang the T.V., but i didnt! So i switched the channel... just to see a pretty young news anchor wasting her talent in asking stupid questions to a panel of 'experts' called in to 'educate' the masses of the much hyped 'Doomsday' in 2012!!! It was much more disgusting than India's loss to see the Breaking news ticker displaying, "2012 mein dharti ka vinaash atal" (In 2012. the end of the world is imminent!)


I switched off the idiot box and slipped into my bed. But Sachin's failed heroics had snatched off my sleep too! So i kept pondering about the Doomsday! What if it really would happen! We would have only 1141 days left! So i wondered what things should happen or can happen before the earth gets sucked in, or collides with a meteor or whichever way its supposed to end! Let me tell you...


1. Everyone should start booking their tickets to Baker and Howard Islands, these places in the Pacific are going to witness the sunrise of 21st Dec 2012 the last! They are 12 hrs behind the GMT! So you will be the last one to die! Great achievement that will be...


2. Okay did you always wished to swear or kick your Boss's a**? Now dont hesitate, do it! You may get fired from your job, but dont worry, it would be not long before the whole office gets fired from this universe!


3. I ask why save money and pile it up in those bank lockers. Your plans for future have no meaning now, its already 'planned' by Nostradamus! Withdraw every single penny, break the FDs. Take your spouse to the most hi-fi places around the world. Now no worries about your bank balance!


4. Kids wont need to go to school. Why just scrap the 10th Std Board Exams? Mr. Sibbal are you listening? Scrap every Single exam. Let them have fun...


5. Government of India should not waste time and money in building a spacecraft for Mars in 2019!!! That would never come. Instead direct all the funds towards building a huge countdown timer...
Now did someone just asked me 'Where'? Okay, right in the middle of the sea, against the Marine drive backdrop, taller than Mount Everest (forget Statue of Liberty!) No one will protest now!


6. Supreme court should not unnecessarily give out stay orders to the U.P. government for building statues. 'Aakhri Iccha' puri kee jaaye!' And we educated citizens promise, we wont make a fuss about it now! Now who cares!


7. This time we have a stable government at the centre. So i feel sad for them who didnt vote this time. The next elections wont happen ever. You missed that right of yours! Also everyone should ask Manmohan Singh to step down and give us a chance atleast now to see India being led by a young man as in Rahul Baba.


8. One happy news is that the Cricket world Cup is in 2011. So critics leave Sachin alone and let him play till 2012. In fact call everyone Dada, Jumbo, Dravid, Kapil, let us give everyone a final 'chance'.


9. Orkut, you have very less time to prove that you are atleast somewhere in competition to facebook and Twitter! Get your a**es fired and show us some real stuff!


10. Okay so in short, each one of us has very less time in our hands. Since its already the end of 2009... so do whatever you wanted to do or dreamt of doing the whole life but couldnt! Whatever! Wanted to propose someone? Propose! Wanted to Kick someone? Kick! Wanted to kill someone? Go ahead, you will spend only few years in jail. Better so... do it on the last day... no punishment at all!


Ah! But Alas the world is not ending... they said so back in 2000 too... We are not stupid enough to accept that the universe will get screwed just bcoz a calendar has no dates after 21st December 2012! Had it been true, I would have cared sh*t to write a disclaimer. But it isn't, so let me be safe.


Disclaimer: The ideas above are fictional, no intentions to hurt anyone's sentiments, political or unpolitical!


But still do you have some weird ideas about what things to do if the doomsday was for real, let me know in the comments section.


Dont worry... We will be there even post 2012... me writing silly posts like the one above and you stupidly reading it till the end...


adios


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Marathi Manoos: The real Psyche

It was 2 o'clock in the afternoon. I was sitting with my books, studying for my exams due in January. It said, "Budd Chiari syndrome is a condition characterised by thrombotic occlusion of the hepatic veins." Suddenly I got startled with my Mom's scream (yes! it literally was!)... "Kirti, lavkar ithe ye, he bagh kaay jhaalay!" (Kirti come here quickly, look what has happened!" Whoa! I ran towards my living room, my Mom, Dad and Bro were glued to the T.V. as the dynamic news anchor kept screaming on top of his voice, "Abu Azmi slapped by MNS goons for taking Oath in Hindi.' And then the typical footage tactics followed repeating the 'slapping' sequence in different 'angles'. I saw the whole sequence, it was a very disgusting one! True, as the headlines said, "Black Day in history of Maharashtra". After a long time i happened to break my eye-contact with the anchor and saw my Mom and Dad. They were as much as shocked as me... No one said anything for a moment. But what I could sense was the sign of distress, discontent and sadness on their face… the reason? .....Marathi manoos was getting portrayed the wrong way… by whom?… by the media, Azmi and… the MNS!

I switched the channel. Told my parents don’t watch that thing! Very rarely they don’t argue with me when I say so, that was one moment… For the first time I told them, on my own, to watch the stupid melodramatic soaps instead… at least they were not as meaningless as the drama that unfolded in the assembly! I went in my room, slammed the door behind me, sat on my desk, opened the book, ‘Kawasaki’s disease and its management’ were ready to be gobbled up by me. But I wasn’t… I was disturbed! I closed my book. Rested back…

Someone was hurt… the common Marathi manoos was hurt!

I wanted to vent out the frustration. Then I saw the clock. Opened my lappie, set the timer for 30 mins, and logged into my Blogger account. I knew you guys are the best buddies to ventilate my thoughts to…

Its such a heartbreak to see how we Maharashtrians are being projected as an uncivilized and violent community on the basis of certain incidents that happened in the past few years. I have a strong feeling that my friends and colleagues ‘outside’ Maharashtra must be having a very different outlook towards a Marathi manoos. For you he must be a bully, wearing a kurta, glares, a vermilion mark on his forehead, a thick moustache with a beard, lathis or stones in hand… beating up people! I will be happy if this is just my assumption and not the reality… but if it isn’t still I wont blame you! The Marathi manoos is slowly getting alienated.. He is slowly getting ostracized.

What is projected towards to the people by these young, amateur, beginners in journalism is majorly devoid of the real issues crippling Maharashtra. I hate such kind of biased journalism by the media honkos… For I

believe Maharashtra is not all about Mumbai and Mumbai is not all about Maharashtra. What happened in the assembly could have been avoided. But new comers in the Maharashtra's politics wanted to grab eyeballs right from day One! I don’t support the MNS, neither do I support the SP. Fundamental values have never been a part of my life. For me Azmi and MNS both were wrong in their part. For Azmi, I just cant understand what was the fuss about speaking few sentences in Marathi? If you really respect Marathi as much as your mother (that’s how he defends himself) why are you fooling yourself by saying “I am not well versed in Marathi!!!” I want to ask him. Isn’t Marathi written in the same Devnagari script as is Hindi? And aren't 10 years enoughto learn few words in your 'motherly' language rather than learning the foul language that your son used outside the assembly! No I am not telling you to do so because Raj threatened you to, because MNS people were about to kick you… Do it for the people you represent for, the people of Maharashtra, whose official language is Marathi!

Regarding the so called “Guardians of Marathi Asmita”, you are the self proclaimed rulers, egoistic and arrogant, unknowingly and irresponsibly giving the common Maharashtrian a bad name. I strongly believe the issues that you picked up are not completely meaningless… but your antics have rendered them futile and pointless in the minds of others… Now that people have given you a chance to represent them, go ahead, give them back what they voted you for, shed the ‘dirty’ look you have got for yourself and take up some real issues and gain positive publicity! Bashing up a MLA in the Assembly, that too when Maharashtra is closing in on its 50th anniversary next May, certainly proves that you don’t understand the sanctity of the place you were placed in. If you really want to care for Marathi Asmita, go start a project for farmers in the Vidarbha under Chattrapati Shivaji Maharaj’s name… go take care of the numerous prestigious forts of Maharaj which are in ruins today. Marathi is a very sacred language. Don’t play politics on it. Even I wont stay quiet if someone voluntarily disrespects Marathi.

So the issue is not wrong, but the way is... Azmi, I believed, disrespected it, no doubt, but that’s his nature. He provoked you, you got provoked! And look what you ended up in! He is getting unnecessary publicity and sympathy from everyone, and you..? Got banned for the next 4 years! You let the ‘rowdy’ tag get affixed even more firmer not just on you but even on the common Marathi manoos who has no say in this, who innocently watches your antics in the news and switches channels to avoid getting hurt themselves…

You are committing a much worse crime than anyone else, making your beautiful state now look as a hub of goondaism and dirty politics. But may be I am asking too much from you, aint I? Whatever! I will follow what Barack Obama said, “LETS CHOOSE HOPE OVER FEAR”

(Okay so my timer says 28:17... so let me end this post..)

Yes I hope that the tides will change, this melodrama will end, a Marathi manoos will be seen by ‘others’ the way he actually is… Soft spoken, friendly, emotional and yes... an ardent and a passionate music lover…